Tuesday, 31 January 2012

Fuck me, I'm confused.

Not really an ordinary post from me, but I had to get it out.

It's amazing how one day you can be 'up' and the very next day, due to no real circumstance, you're down.
Today is one of those days, yesterday I was bouncing off the walls, today I'm flat as shit carters hat.
The only thing i can put it down to is the weird reams I had last night.
Why can't I shake it off?
No one died in my dreams, they were, as dreams are, just random events slammed together in a goop of vagueness.
Standard really, but something about them has bugged me. Maybe it's because they were vivid as fuck. I don't usually remember my dreams, but I can recall just about all of this one.

I was in Thailand, at a bar, with a mate, lets call him 'Merv', we were tying one on, huge night, next thing we realise, our other mate 'Biff' is gone, missing, can't find him. We panic a bit because he's never been to Thailand before and it can be the wrong place to go missing in.
I remember looking down, and seeing his camera, and his wallet and for some reason that made us feel better, as if, he's OK, even though he wasn't there.
Dream cuts to Merv and I standing at a window of a house, maybe mine, I'm not sure, it's dark outside, but we're peering in through a window and see our mate, Biff, asleep on a bed, we start belting on the window, but he doesn't wake up, probably too pissed, but we laugh and walk off.
Next we're in a small shopping centre, and out of no where, Mervs brother 'Jeff' is sweeping the floor of a shop and calls out to us. The shop is a hairdressing salon, this confuses me for two reasons, if there's anyone in the world who could be further from a hairdresser, it's Jeff, he sells cars.
We go into the shop and laughing about the night before when 'Biff' strolls in, we hand him his camera and wallet.
Then, it cuts to me being back in the Triple M studios, but not in the one I would normally use, the one opposite mine, but through the studio glass I can still see the guys at the hairdressing salon, so my studio is in Thailand.. what.. the.. fuck?
Next, I get a visitor in the studio, a friend who works here, not unusual, but her presentation was very different to how she normally looks.
We have a conversation (which i won't go into here) but really wasn't out of the ordinary, it addressed some issues, but as I mentioned earlier, no one died or got hurt, so as you can imagine, when i wake up, I'm completely baffled and have been a bit 'off all day.
As a consequence, I stayed in bed longer than normal, didn't do any exercise.

What the fuck is going on in my head?

Sunday, 22 January 2012


I haven't written anything in a bit, and for some reason I felt compelled to, I don't know why, I only have two followers on here (hi, thanks for jumpin on board), none the less, there was something inside me that made me log in and start typing in my dysfunctional 6 fingered way (fingered, ha ha). 

I haven't been able to do much today, completely my own fault, lets just say last night kinda got the better of me. When the Jager shots started, I knew what today was going to be like, a total write off. 
I did manage to drive to KFC for a greasy remedy, but that in itself was an horrific journey. Not due to anything untoward, like bad food, a car crash, or traffic, it's actually not that far away, maybe 7 kays round trip, but that 7kms felt like an eternity through the clouded piss holes that were my eyes. 

There's washing on the clothesline that's been there since Friday morning. That's how lazy I have been. 

Now, as we creep into the evening, with the fan on, I'm channel flicking, and curiosity kicks in. I have to know what the new Young Talent Time is like. How can I have an opinion on it if I don't watch it? That would be unfair me to just shit can something like that. 

I lasted approximately 9 seconds. 

Let's move on. 

I'm pretty sure old mate who's the main character in that Homeland series is Bruce Willis' love child. Honestly, like the spit out of his mouth, don'tchya think? 

The mum in Modern Family is hot. I know most people would be checking out the daughter (the older one of the two, who's now 21) but gimme the mum any day. What is her name? If I'm to be besotted by someone I should at least know their name. Meh, doesn't matter, I don't think I have a shot. 

Speaking of having a shot, did you read that Serena Williams was looking for a man? I've tweeted her twice and she hasn't replied. Pretty rude if you ask me. Why publicly announce that you're looking for a man from 18-80 and not return fire when someone shows interest? Even a 'get lost fatty' would mean something. I hate her now. 

Now a lite n easy ad has come on. I'm a fan of lite n easy, I think it's a great way for people to lose weight, but fuck me, that latest ad is a joke. Some sailing chick sprouting the benefits of this incredible program and how it helped her, then the sub text came up 'Lost 6 kilos in 3 months'. Are you kidding? 6 fuckin kilos in 8 weeks? 750 grams a week is hardly astonishing. A few good shits and I've lost that.
If it seems I'm being particularly negative, remember, hangover, everything is fucking annoying today, that's why I haven't socialised with anyone, except through here and social media and a couple of texts to those that were with me last night for sympathy. No one deserves to put up with my shitness today, maybe that's why I felt the need to write something down? All I know is, I want tomorrow to be Sunday. And hangover free. 


Monday, 9 January 2012

ALBUM REVIEW: Lamb Of God - Resolution

From the moment you hear Randy inhale and that fat sound penetrate your eardrums, you know you’re in for something special. I can say that now I’ve listened to the album a few times know what’s coming. To be honest, the first time I heard it this sludgy groovy detuned assault I thought ‘what the fuck is going on, have they gone doomy?’ But I dare not skip to the next track, I wanted to take the journey the way it’s meant to unfold, and I’m glad I did.
You see the opening track is just like the opening credits to a movie, it's there to ease you into what is going to be a hell of a ride.
It segue ways into the track 2, Desolation, and I reckon it takes about a minute for me to come to the conclusion that, if the rest of the album is like this, I’ll be a happy man. It also hits home that this could very well be their best album to date. What’s this, album 7? Their best? Surely not. But as I said to Chris Adler (Lamb Of God drummer) on the phone, there is no mistaking that this is a Lamb Of God Album, but somehow they’ve figured out how to do it better.
Chris Adler: When we went into the process, all of us knew that, being fans of metal, none of us could think of a band, that we all agreed, that their 7th album was their best, ‘oh I love that bands 2nd or 3rd record’ but after that bands get to a point where you at least know what’s going to happen, or they kind of fizzle out, or it gets kinda watered down. So coming in we kinda knew that and we knew that somehow we had to do, what we did, in order to stay relevant and to keep going and get past were we are, we had to out do ourselves. We made the filter so tight on what we were doing on that album that, if it was the same idea, it had to be much improved from the idea that was there before and try to take everything on every level to the next step.
This was genuinely an album which I couldn’t wait to hear what was coming next. I was caught up in each song, but my mind wouldn’t stop thinking ‘what’s next?’ I had to be vigilant and not impatient, I had to let it come to me. Like most people I soon found one that really stood out, it was track 6, aptly titled The Number Six.  Up to that point, this was my favourite, reminding me a bit of Laid to Rest from Ashes of the Wake, the way it was structured, the breakdown in it, but it’s just better. Simple.
Chris Adler: Wow that’s my favourite song on the record right now, lotta people are picking Ghost Walking, Desolation and King Me, but Number six is my favourite.
And the album played through, I didn’t think I’d find anything that could top The Number Six, although when I was presented with track 11: Terminally Unique, I was floored. Chris’ relentless double kick through the middle part of the song is staunchly brilliant, in fact the entire band should be congratulated on their playing, it’s so tight (as it should be by album 7) it demands you sit up and take notice.
Chris Adler: I think we tried to not do the same, even on the record itself, even though we know we’re a metal band and we have certain things that we do very well, we wanted to not duplicate the idea of the song. Meaning like if we wrote kind of a punk rock song then that was it for that. Then if we were going to write a slow sludgy song, then that was it for that, ya know we tried to fill all the little holes and not repeat ourselves. And we put more on this album than we’ve ever put on any other, it’s nearly an hour long, and I think that everyone who’s a fan of the band, or anyone who’s new to the band is gunna be able to find their own little piece that will be unique to them because we really kinda branched out and explored all the different things about the band all over the album.
This is an album that explodes out of your speakers and you will not be able to skip a track. I sat there in awe, listening intently, headphones turned up dangerously loud, soaking it in.  I’m so impressed.
Chris Adler: Thank you we’re impressed too, none of us were sure that we could pull it off, and we’re not getting any younger, it’s tough it gets harder and harder every time, ya know we’re at a very lucky point, we don’t have to make records, but we want to make records, and in that we want to make sure that the records are important, and that they don’t tarnish the legacy of the band.
Don’t think twice when it hits shelves, Lamb Of God – Resolution is one hell of an album.

Tuesday, 3 January 2012

sharks with frickin laser beams on their heads

I read something today online that I want you to know about.
Apparently, sharks are aware of climate change and are cross pollinating (sic) to adapt to it.

Here is the exact sentence:  "The scientists say interbreeding between the two shark species is a sign the animals are adapting to climate change."

Hear that? It's a sign... that fuckin sharks.. the dumbest eating machines on the planet.. are adapting to climate change. 

Ok, lets look at this for a moment, lets assume that sharks, like most other living things on the planet, are evolving. Sure, I'll buy that. But to suggest that they are doing so because of climate change is complete and utter speculation and rhetoric. 
Truth is, they have found a bunch of sharks that haven't previously mated before. So, I've never rooted a German woman before, but if I did (and given the chance, and one was godly enough to do so, I would, absolutely) people wouldn't care.

Granted, I would have been a little more impressed if they discovered that a Great White shark had mated with say.. a Gummy shark, but get this, the two sharks that have created this mutant monster of the deep are...

A common black tip shark


And Australian black tip shark.

Pretty much the equivalent of an Aussie having their way with a Kiwi. 

Dogs root different breeds of dogs, cats with other cats.. birds.. well I'm not so sure of.. my point is, it's evolution responsible for this, not climate change. 

Before you say 'ahh but doesn't evolution allow these sharks to survive in the future?' read what I wrote again.. these two extremely closely related sharks did not mate due to climate change. 

And.. before you say 'oh you're just another anti climate change idiot' well.. maybe I am. 
But think about this, in the 80's we were warned of 'global cooling'.. how'd that turn out for ya scientists?

Look, I don't have all the answers (in fact I know fuck all), but what I don't like is being fed utter bullshit from people who are trying to shoehorn climate change into a story, just so it gets picked up in the media. 
Lets face it, two sharks gettin it on would never have seen the light of day in the mainstream media if it wasn't for the by line of 'climate change'. Add that to any story, and you'll be heard. 

Love to hear your thoughts.

Sunday, 1 January 2012

..here we go again

It's funny how New Years Eve affects people isn't it? We all get that feeling that everything will be alright on the other side. A new year, new beginnings, blah blah fuckin blah. Reality is, not much changes.
That is of course, unless YOU make it change.
See I bet you thought I was just being a miserable prick when you first started reading this, a real downer.. well fear not underpants, I'm just fascinated at the effect it has on people Let me take you back to last night, it was probably one of my quietest (NYE) in recent years, spent with a few close friends. When I say quiet, trust me, shit was happenin, drinks were being inhaled, I just mean it wasn't a massive party with shit loads of people, and I still I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
But as the clock approached midnight, I was overcome with this sense of calm, like I mentioned earlier, it was as though everything was going to be alright this year.
But why do we feel like that?
Go read your friends facebook status' and you'll see what I mean.
Lots of positive messages of hope, love, caring and other soppy shit, but mostly what I saw was 'thank fuck 2011 is over, bring on 2012' or words to that effect, which made me think, what was so wrong with 2011 for you? Didn't it go to plan? Why didn't it go to plan?
I understand there are a lot of things well beyond our control, like death, break ups (to an extent, I had one, it sucks) and the cost of fuel, but haven't we always been told that WE make our future, that WE are responsible for what happens in our lives?
Now don't get me wrong, (which is easy to do coz I don't make much sense sometimes) I love that sense of calm, the feeling of hope that a new year will bring something new and exciting to my life, the unknown can be one of the best dreams we can have.
But know this, shit just doesn't happen to you. You have to make it happen. Don't expect someone to do it for you that's all.
Lets talk about resolutions for a moment, quite frankly, they can get fucked.
Now, whilst I think it's great that someone wants to improve their life by making one, why wait till New Years Eve? I don't get it. The most popular one you hear about is 'I'm giving up smoking'. I've never been a smoker, I will never understand that addiction, but coming from a family of 6 where every other member is (or was), I have seen how hard it's been for them to stop. I think it's brilliant that you want to stop, and I wish you all the best, but why pick New Years Eve to stop? The night you're at your most vulnerable, you're drinking, having a great time, with mates who are smoking, you're setting yourself up to fail in my opinion. Then you make an excuse, 'oh I'll start tomorrow' and so on.
Don't worry, it's the same for me. Of course I wanna lose weight, I'm not different to anyone else, but there was no way I was gunna start some ridiculous diet at the stroke of midnight, that's fuckin lunacy. I'm just gunna keep doing what I'm doing, it's working (slowly).
This isn't a case of I'm right and you're wrong either, just some common sense.
So.. here we go again.. it's a new year, fuck knows what 2012 will be remembered for, but it's gunna be fun finding out innit?
Make shit happen for you, get involved, not happy with something in your life? Change it. I know I will.