Thursday, 29 March 2012

it's all about timing

It's a hell of thing timing isn't it. Sometimes it falls your way, sometimes it doesn't. "GREAT TIMING" you'll say.. or "Shit, that's bad timing".. there's no such thing as 'time' is there. No grey area.
In the past few weeks I have been on both sides of this 'time' phenomena.
I've been so happy, and so bummed, just because of timing, and now it seems that I have both pleased, and pissed someone off.
I wish I was more in control of my time, but I'm not, it's usually dictated to me for whatever reason, work I guess plays a big part in my time, which I love, but like any work we do, sometimes it gets in the way.
I'm probably not making much sense, but I really don't care, I need to get what's inside, out of me before I attempt to lay down to sleep and before I react poorly to timing issues. I have to learn to worry about me. I suppose that can be misconstrued as selfishness, and I'm ok with that, coz sometimes we all need to be a little selfish if that means looking after ourselves for a change. I certainly don't try to be selfish to hurt anyone else, although I appreciate that's what can happen, and it sucks, but where do you draw the line.
I lost a friend a few years back, he was the nicest person you could ever meet, everyone loved this guy, he was, quite simply, the most lovable, funny, selfless, genuine, and caring guy I had ever known.
But maybe that was the problem, we'll never know. That makes me sad.
Whilst he lived his life, he did what he loved, and he seemed happy, clearly he was not. I often think about my friend, and my own demons, and use him, even though he's gone, as an example of how to live, and how not to live. Quite the paradox really. Sometimes, we need to put ourselves first, even if it means upsetting someone in the short term. It's a bitter pill happiness, isn't it.

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